Where Do You Draw The Line between Ego and Self?

Authenticity. Authenticity.Authentic Happy Joy

Also known as showing up fully.

This past month I’ve been living from ego rather than service. I let my authentic self be tarnished by feelings of competitiveness, living at 50% of myself, ignoring my values and not being fully present, real or honest with myself and others about my feelings and thoughts.

Nothing “bad” mind you – just restrictions everywhere I looked around. Life in this state is far from pure, joyous and happy. It can still be good but good isn’t enough for me anymore.

Who else feels they are sick of not expressing themselves fully?
Who else wants to shed their scales & emerge as they are?
Who else would like to live courageously & with integrity?

I for one am DONE with living an unauthentic life. With holding myself back for fear that I’ll be alone if no one wants to walk this path with me. With conforming and trying to look good (although those of you who know me may be giggling at the thought of me being a conformist hehe).

Since the last 2 days a lot has been stirring up for me (I learnt from Lynn Koiner and Sophie Lhoste that I’m not alone in this – apparently this summer solstice is a powerful time for changes and divine happenings – woohoo!) and I’m taking gulpy, brave steps to bring myself back from the edge of an ego-driven life, back to service, back to self.

Take the coaching competition I was entered in for instance. It all started as fun and games, asking people to vote for me, getting the word out about my blog, loving the traffic to my website, the supportive comments (esp the one from my mom – that rocked, thanks mum!) ·

Somewhere along the way though, I realised some uncoachlike behaviour was going on and allowed myself to be upset by the tricks other people were using to get to # 1. Everytime I saw people being voted down I would vote them up. And I’d wonder what I was doing in such a contest. Can you guess what happened next? Yep!

I wanted to play them at their own game. Survival of the best-est. And I didn’t like this feeling. That’s not me.

So yeah, it got to the point where I had to stop and question myself …. Why do I need someone to tell me my blog is the best? Would winning this contest make more people like me or make me special in some way? WHO gets to decide I’m the best (or not)? I’ve never liked competitions and in my LOA world, co-operation is a better feel-good place to be in over competition.

To compete fairly and test skills against another is beautiful, like athletes in their finest form. Because it brings the best out in others, rather than the worst. To bring others down while you go up? Not sooooooo much!

It started to not feel good anymore. And you who read this blog know this about me – I always follow my feel-good! If it’s not fun, I’m not doing it. I slacked in following my intuition. Ohh Bugggerr…

It’s scary and empowering to go out on a limb and saying what you need to, without fear of consequences. It’s easy for monkeys but to be a human hanging on the top of a branch, swinging wildly and suddenly letting go….!?  Bump, rumble and roll. Ouch. That hurt. Pain sucks. Yet, letting go can teach you to look for where the growth and learning is.

To be authentic, I first had to acknowledge what I’ve not been wanting to, face my frailties and imperfections, embrace them, forgive them, love them and finally, share them with others.

So my friends, In all my ego driven glory, here I stand unveiled. And as I ask myself these questions, I ask you too:

Who do you think you are to live half a life?
One that’s not passionate, fulfilling, authentic and happy?
Where do you get off blaming other people?
What are you not taking responsibility for?
What is the learning from this?
What do you really, really want?
The glory or the peace? True happiness or ego-driven accolades?

Feel free to ask me “who are you to get me to stand up and take charge of my own life”!? I am no-one. And I am everyone. You get to choose if you want to or not.

With this in mind, I decided that what felt good and authentic was to remove myself from this contest. My intuition says this is the right thing to do and this is the month I start trusting it. The little voice in my head saying “but you could win this and be more popular” can just go take a hike. Be sure to take a camel along, it’s a long trip where you’re going!

THANK YOU to all of you who voted me to # 1 – I’ve saved all your comments 🙂 I am still glad I entered this contest for I know even more now that my worth does not depend on what someone says or thinks about me.

It depends on what I believe to be true. It’s reminded me AGAIN that real happiness and peace come from being true to oneself, and true to others. It showed me how many amazing friends and loyal readers I have. It re-inforced the power of synergy (where my friends and I voted for each other as opposed to taking each other down).

It helped me be kind and loving to myself and accept my imperfections. And my desire for you is to do the same for yourself.

I want you to live your best life ever. I want you to unleash your awesomeness on the world, warts and all.


You can start by sharing your thoughts and feelings about how you want to show up MORE in your life in the comments section. I am here to listen, encourage and love you AS YOU ARE. You rock my friend 🙂

Facebook comments:



  1. says


    I love your honesty and integrity here. This is why I know you’re a friend. I felt the same way about the contest that you expressed here.

    I think it’s powerful for us to speak our truths and to stand together, synergistic, supporting each other.

    Much love, sista!

  2. says

    Thanks Dana girl. When we make it a priority to be authentic in our lives, then it’s easy to know what the next step is, ay. All it takes is a willingness to look deep within ourselves, hold the proverbial mirror up so to speak. The key words here are priority and willingness, me thinks. Love ya too!

  3. says

    I’m glad you’re taking a stand on this and getting back to basics. We all need to do that, myself most of all.

    One of the reasons I’ve come to love you as I have is because you always have fun. With you, it’s like “If it’s not fun, I’m not doing it!”

    très bien!

  4. says

    Bill, you are so right in saying it’s one of the basics. Integrity and authenticity are baser than our other wants and needs which tend to overshadow them sometimes. Thanks so much for recognising my fun factor hehe, not that hard to disguise 😀 You rock my friend!

  5. says

    What a cool, #1 Gal you already are! I lost heart in the contest after you and several other people told me their voted never showed up. I “win” as the last one on the list! HA!

    There are better ways to shine – commenting on each other’s blog for example. I love getting into the conversation.

    You bless me, impress me and make me want to be a better me! And I love you for it!

  6. says

    Melody, words nearly fail me at your generous comments. You’re an inspiration to me, your attitude shines through your words, and you’re the most giving, helpful and amazing coach. Thank you for your love and support!

  7. says

    Uh, I thought we were manifesting first and second, girlfriend?! lol Way to change the plan!!

    Cool post on authenticity, and a timely one for me as well considering the week I had last week with my client who adores me so much she claims not to have been one. hee hee

    This is GREAT Step 1 material that can only lead to FABULOUS Step 3 experiences! WOO HOO!!

  8. says

    *teehee* Jeannette! You know me – the girl who PUTS on 4lbs when on a detox. Why in the world would I ever do something the “normal, accepted” way. LOL. I did notice we’ve had similar weeks, quite a few of us. Something in the air?

    I heard Jupiter was in retrograde and that shifts things up heaps. I know I have a link to that article somewhere … ah here it is, check it out. VERY interesting. http://www.lynnkoiner.com/astrology-articles/jupiter-retrograde-april-august-2007. Thanks for popping by!

  9. says



    How did you know that this was EXACTLY the words I needed to hear this morning?

    You don’t know how much this means to me.

    Thank you so much for being brave and being authentic.

    I don’t understand why it has to be so hard sometimes to just BE myself – my true self – authentic to the core. I mean, there is no-one else who can be me better than myself right? So it should be easy!

    Thanks again Tia for the insights!

    Gideon Shalwick

  10. says

    Gideon, I feel so blessed by your comment! You don’t know how much THAT means to me. It just proved to me that I’m attracting people into my life who are genuine, real and want to grow and live their best life ever!

    “I mean, there is no-one else who can be me better than myself right? ” This here is PuRe GoLD my friend. I wish I could bold it and colour it golden!

    Here’s what I think: we are all born special gifts and talents and as we grow up we are expected to conform to standards set by good-minded yet sometimes ignorant people. Like left handed kids being forced to write with their right hand for example.

    And when a certain consciousness starts growing and taking over the planet one mind at a time, then more people start opening up to new ideas and ways of being and acceptance grows. Some of us wait till the crowd has caught up with us to show our true selves while others like genius scientists and mavericks just show up as they are and force us to stretch and accommodate them, sometimes, years later.

    People like you and me are somewhere in between and rapidly catching up to the other lot 😉 so REJOICE!! You are unique and special and that melded accent of yours can never be repeated. One of a kind, baby, and you rock at being you. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it!

    Thank you again for sharing your feelings, I’m so glad to know you!

  11. says

    Tia, well, hugs from me. You know I believe so much in authenticity. I appreciate your transparency and authenticity. You are the best. I love how you came to your own conclusions on this and opted out of ego based competition.

    You are already the winner! You know it. Thanks for standing up for you. I love your courage.

    I love Tia! Lets start another competition.


  12. says

    This was about me acknowledging where I’ve been living out of alignment & not trusting my gut, and I’m so glad to see how many people resonate with that. There’s a new awareness around what’s really important in life .. thanks for noticing that. You have a way of making someone feel very special and seen, Iyabo!

    Yeah, the Good Vibe Girls Competition where everyone is a winner 🙂 I’m on board with that. Or how about just the Super Awesome Coaches Club where everyone of us rocks as hard as Mick Jagger (now that’s one I haven’t used in a few weeks!) – co-op rather than comp. Ahh that feels good.

  13. says

    Oh Tia!! Can I just say how proud I am of you?? Seriously. My heart just swelled with love as I read this post. You move me.

    It’s so interesting you’ve chosen to remove yourself from the contest and write this post.

    I was starting to feel the stuck and yuck of that contest (for me, in my energetic tune-in)…a strange vibe flowing through the space and had chosen not to check in on it any more.

    Although I must admit, I wondered how all of my favorite super vibe girls were doing now that I wasn’t paying attention! LOL Not because I wondered who was winning, but because I didn’t want anyone to lose!

    You’re all winners in my book. :0)

    I love your commitment to yourself, your authenticity, your path. Such a testament. Thank you for leading by the clarity of your example by flowing with what feels good to you in every moment.

    Love you, my Friend! Way to shine your brilliance!
    In Harmony… Debra (@debsoul)

    PS~How did you know I have ‘warts and all’? hee hee 🙂 Yeah, I’m unleashing my awesomeness on the world with purposeful abandon!! Yeehaaaah!!

  14. says

    Deb, I can safely say that little lie about warts won’t fly here! You my dear are grace and love personified.

    Thank you for your amazing being-ness and appreciation. The responses to this post have moved MY heart to a melting pot of chocolate. How did I manage to gather so many astounding human beings in my circle!? Seriously, WOW.

    I didn’t want anyone to lose either! If I had it my way everyone would tie in at exactly the same spot 😀 The ickyness of # 1,2,3 etc creates duality in a world where I’m leaning towards non-duality. I LOVE numbers, esp the ones in my bank *wink wink* but as an energy exchange, not as a barometer of success.

    Love it when you come by and shower your beautiful, gentle, inspiring energy around like flower petals in spring. Love you! And thank you!

  15. says

    You are on to a powerful truth when you catch yourself getting more caught up in competing, than in just winning something for yourself. You took a good look and saw what most don’t; that the winning most of us do is at the expense of someone else, and for so little in the end.

    You are an inspiration to so many who are struggling to break free of the old world views of competition, and take hold of the new vast landscape of collaboration and abundance.

    Thanks for sharing and for being a leader of both thought and action.

  16. says

    Well said James! Well said! “You are on to a powerful truth when you catch yourself getting more caught up in competing, than in just winning something for yourself.”

    And the question is, what does “winning” for myself mean to me? To me a win meant attracting engaged, interested, growth oriented readers to my blog who contribute to the discussion and form a little community supporting each other. Funnily enough, that seems to have happened right after I decided to withdraw! 🙂

    I really appreciate your words. Thank you for sharing and caring and I hope you’ll keep contributing your wisdom here.

  17. says


    When I read your comment asking for votes, your enthusiasm thrilled me. I love how you engage people.

    Taking yourself out of the competition when it didn’t feel right to you is something I’m applauding too. The signature energy pattern of that feels to me … the best word that comes to mind is — class.

    Years ago I read that Danny Thomas gave his daughter this advice when she entered show business. “You’re a Thoroughbred, run your own race.” To me that means, you know your own worth, don’t compare yourself to everyone else. I’ve always loved the images that I get from that. Like confidence, focus (still working on that one) and a great stable. And yes, class.

  18. says

    Everytime I see your name here I just break into a big smile, Nancy 🙂 Love it and love the calm, nourishing energy you bring to the table.

    “The signature energy pattern of that feels to me … the best word that comes to mind is — class.” It takes one to know one, huh?

    I love the quote you shared, in fact I love it so much I’m heading over RIGHT now to tweet it! Thank you, thank you, thank you!


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