“Doing What Feels Good”- A Cop Out?

green spiral q markfree_2719666

I’m the first to admit I hardly ever do anything that doesn’t feel good.

In the past 10 years I’ve made some VERY inspired decisions based on how adventurous and new the experience was, rather than how much money I could make or how far up the corporate ladder I could advance.

I chose today over tomorrow. Not the most conventional way to live, I was subconsciously picking the most FUN path to follow over the one that would bring me the most “conventional success”.

Today, I’m more conscious of my actions as I check to see how I’m feeling before taking action, hardly ever doing anything unless it feels good to do.

Paradoxically, there are those times when I didn’t feel good about doing something and did it anyway.

You think I’m going to say I regret those times, right?

No.

Because some of those time that I did what didn’t feel good, turned out to bring results that made me feel SO glad I did.

And some of the times I did what ‘felt good’ turned out to be nothing more than procrastination and putting off the inevitable, wasting time and energy in the process. Eg: endlessly watching Scrubs re-runs online instead of working on my business plan for 2010, which would serve me in the long run.

Which brings me to state: There are times it’s actually a good thing to do what you’re not enthused about! Times when “doing what feels good” is a complete cop out that does more harm than good.

What if you decided you really wanted something, and you’d have to be disciplined about doing what it takes to get it but you hate being disciplined?

  • What if you cancelled on a concert at the last minute because you didn’t feel like getting dressed up, and then later regretted it when you heard how awesome it was?
  • Or you have bills to pay and you hate doing that. But if you didn’t your utilities would be cut off, so whether you feel good about doing it or not, you just have to do it.
  • Or you’re looking for a new job and have to work on your resume but you hate doing that. Would you find a creative way around it (like hiring a resume writer) or would you make yourself do it?

And what about the times you DID do something you didn’t want to and were GLAD that you went against that initial feeling?

  • Like when you didn’t want to go take that new course in school and it turned out to be your best decision ever?
  • Or you forced yourself to go out to that party and met your soulmate?
  • How about the time you were nice to someone you didn’t like and they ended up becoming your best friend?

I think it comes down to knowing the answer to:

When do you know you’re actually following your feel good or mistaking your comfort zone for it?

What if swallowing that frog was the one thing stopping you from getting what you want?

What if, to get what you want, you first have to do something you DON’T want to do?

There are times I’ve made myself do something I didn’t feel like doing (like go to the gym and lift weights) because it was what I thought I needed to do to get to my ultimate goal of getting toned the fastest way I could.

So by compromising my feel good in the moment, I’m honouring my bigger goal and that makes me happy when I’ve done it, even if I had to force myself to take action at first. Paradoxically, by taking action I don’t even have to wait until I’ve finished that action to feel good – the vibe changes just by doing it!

Do you change your mind cos it doesn’t feel good right now or do you keep your commitment inspite of that because you know you’ll feel better for it? How do you decide what course of action to follow?

_____________________________________________________________________

I’m just really curious to know how you balance doing what you aren’t aligned with in the moment, with the bigger picture that you ARE aligned with. How do you handle these tricky situations? I’d looking forward to your insights and thoughts! Thanks so much for sharing, as always.

Enter your FIRST name + email for SPARKLING weekly inspiration, occasional shimmery updates & exclusive product offers, Sparklepants!
Bonus gift: Instant access to "120 most inspiring, motivational quotes of 2012" eBook.
We hate spam just as much as you

Facebook comments:

comments

Comments

  1. says

    Hey TIA, this is a tough question, I guess it boils down to your gut feeling. It’s absolutely true, that sometimes you have to do things, that are not what you ‘feel like’ that very moment but they turn out to be really good.

    Whether it is a good time to ‘feel good’ or a good time to push through something that doesn’t is really a question of intuition and life experience.

    I guess we tend to forget too easily how good it is loa-wise to feel good, so it might be a good choice most of the time to go for the feel-good.

    And if there is something we absolutely want to have / be but there is a wall of feel-bad in front of you, find ways to feel good about it, push right through it or let it sit for a while until the mist on your intuition lifts and you can see clearly if it is worth pushing through or not.

    Enjoy your day :)

  2. says

    I love your response Erik, thanks for commenting!

    You’re so right of course, it IS easy to feel good in any given moment simply by choosing to. And to change one’s emotional state by being aware, feeling through the resistance and then seeing what comes up.

    What I do is, if I don’t feel good about it in the moment, I ask why I’m doing it and what would happen if I didn’t. If the consequences aren’t going to derail me from achieving what I want, I may choose not to do it, knowing that I can always do it another time.

    On the other hand, I could CHANGE how I feel about doing it from a strong reaction (I so don’t want to do this) to (heck, it’s not a big deal, i can do this) and that would be enough to get me into motion.

    Whether one pushes through it or sits with it, the best part is there is no wrong answer! Whatever we end up doing, is always what was needed at that time :) With that attitude, it wouldn’t even MATTER what action one took! Thanks again for reminding us of that Erik, you’re awesome!

  3. says

    Tia, I have learned (and it feels like just recently) to keep my mind focused on the bigger picture of what I desire to manifest in the world. Keeping my bigger goals in mind and, more importantly, believing in them, knowing I absolutely can accomplish what I set my mind to do, helps me view those smaller, less feel-good tasks, differently. For instance, I recently started working out at the gym. The reason why I started working out was because I set my intention to be the healthiest and strongest I’ve ever been. Knowing I have what it takes to bring whatever I desire to fruition makes the tasks of working out easy – AND, surprisingly, enjoyable.

  4. says

    I hear you Sue, you are bang on!

    That’s exactly what helps me (and I suspect, MANY of us), to do what needs to be done regardless of how it feels sometimes. I recently started working out at the gym too, and for pretty much the same reason as you.

    By remembering WHY we are doing it in the first place, ie the bigger picture, we can consciously choose to view it differently. Another way that works is to do it quickly without thinking – eat that frog as Brian Tracy says in http://www.eatthatfrogmovie.com/

    I really appreciate your presence, thank you for taking the time to chime in, my fellow gym sista!

  5. Anna says

    Thanks for the frog bit, Tia – makes me smile, because I keep recognizing the role Brian Tracy and his “Psychology of Achievement” has played in my life…

    A two-day workshop, I took it twice – at 16 and again in my early 20s – and absolutely worth every penny my father paid! (tee hee hee) Seriously, those seminars saved me from certain death – of the worst kind you can imagine, and the physical kind, too.

    But that’s another story, so …

    Tia, as always, you’ve got the spark that starts the fire. Today I’m wanting more from you – YOU – about this pickled conundrum. You’ve got me – I’ve been grabbed, nabbed and otherwise intently focused on your Final Answer.

    I know it is unique and specific to each of us.

    There are times, however – mega-emotional days, for instance – when specifics, even of the vaguest variety, can kick my metaphysical mass in the right direction. Or left, OK, but at least in a certain direction.
    Whatcha gonna gimme about that differentiation, Baby?!

    Love & Light especially on my days of indifferentiation
    Across the Water
    Anna
    P.S. My Mom’s joy: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5y6kpg9u55o

  6. says

    Wow Anna, seems like a lot was happening in your life in your teens and 20′s, you got me feeling really thankful that you made it through and found what appears to be your groove.

    “”””There are times, however – mega-emotional days, for instance – when specifics, even of the vaguest variety, can kick my metaphysical mass in the right direction.””” Ok this might have flown over my head a little! Were you talking about how you felt while writing this post and hence wanted more clarification or about times you’re feeling that way and wondering what to do then?

    I’ve been pondering this and here’s what I have for you – 90% of the time I don’t do something unless I feel like doing it, esp if it’s a one off that won’t have any adverse consequences, isn’t a big deal, doesn’t involve anyone else and can easily be done tomorrow or never without me regretting it (eg: putting off buying groceries, joining a dance class, socialising etc).

    10% of the time I make myself do things I don’t feel like doing because they lead me to something I want in the long run or are a way for me to expand my comfort zone. The 100 things I fear project falls in this category – I’m doing what I fear and doesn’t make me feel good cos of how great it feels once I’ve done it.

    Things like paying bills may not fall in either category (unless you’ve got a different money vibe) – they’re just something I do automatically without any thought at all. Although I may start the practice of thanking the U for the abundance I have as I’m paying them. Nah, I’m happy to do it the way I do.

    Not sure if I answered what you were asking so hit me up again if I went way off tangent. Girl, you make me think!

    ps: Thanks for sharing the “my mom’s the best” vid – that was AWESOME, I watched it 3x! Jackson is so cute, sweet, fun, spunky, creative and CONFIDENT!! I love how he starts off with why he made this song :) you’ve got a little rockstar in the making xo

    pps: I’m always struck by how creatively and artistically you express yourself, you have a real gift with words, and I suspect, much more! Painting? Crafts?

  7. MissyB says

    I was intrigued by this when it dropped, very timely I might add too, in to my in-box. I’ve often questioned the only do something if it feels good – for one, there would be no housework done in my dwelling !

    I think the key imho, is, don’t do what feels bad. Yes I know, that means do what feels good, but does it ? Doing the housework doesn’t feel bad – I’d just rather not do it.

    Riding my motorbike after nearly writing myself off didn’t feel good – but it didn’t feel bad. If it felt bad, trust me, I’d be no where near the thing ever again.

    Do you get my drift ? Its been said above and on the Good Vibe blog – its about doing stuff that might not be the greatest of feel good activities with an eye on the end result. Dieting being a prime example.

    AND the key for me, is finding ways to enjoy the present don’t feel so great activities – ipod on to do housework – to make the best.

  8. says

    You just opened my eyes big time, Missy!

    I thought about how I do things I don’t want to with the big picture in mind (like your dieting example and my gym one) but I hadn’t even considered the option of “not doing what feels bad”.

    OF COURSE, it’s so clear now that you’ve said it! Thanks for picking up the missing piece :) If anyone could bring a fresh perspective, it’s so YOU.

    Once we do what doesn’t feel bad, it actually feels good-ish in a way :) Double win! You’re the best AB!

  9. Carol says

    Great article as always, Tia!

    MissyB, your comment is so timely . . . as I am sitting here reading this instead of doing the cleaning that should be done. You’re right, doing the housework doesn’t feel “bad” . . . there are just other things I enjoy doing much more. It will be easier to do it (as soon as I finish this cup of coffee) now that you’ve reminded me that it really doesn’t feel bad and there are things I can do to make it more enjoyable. Thank you for the change in attitude I feel right now!

  10. says

    I know, right Carol? Missy totally hit the nail on the head! Thanks for adding to the discussion with “there are just things I enjoy doing more” and showing us how easy it is to change our attitude and vibe towards something we don’t dislike. Always a pleasure to see you here :)

  11. says

    Hi Tia,
    Great post! Provoked lots of thought. My sense of this is that it is about the difference between creating by default and being a deliberate creator. My current default choice of what feels good is the choice that is aligned with the current me that I am being.

    If I have future goals that excite me and call to me, that is my summons from the broader Me that I have become and that I want to deliberately align with. Since there is currently some vibrational difference between this me and that Me, it will probably require some deliberate effort at aligning to bring this me into the vibration of perceiving that choice of action as the fun, feel-good one.

    But, if the thought of reaching the future goal is in alignment with Me (excites me, makes me feel good to contemplate it), it will be worthwhile for me to look for ways to line up with enjoying the actions it will take to get there (as others mentioned above).

    I don’t think it’s ever about taking action that doesn’t feel good. Just sometimes things already feel good and we easily take action and at other times we take the time to line up vibrationally first, and then they feel good and we easily take action.

    At least, this is what I get conceptually. I’m still developing the habit of consistently following this simple process, however.
    Take care,
    Sabrina

  12. says

    Sabrina, just when I thought this couldn’t get any better, here you are with yet another sparkling gem of insightfulness!

    I love where you’re pointing us – towards aligning our actions with who we are becoming. And viewing doing something that doesn’t feel good (or doesn’t feel bad as Missy and Carol pointed out), as the vibrational gap we’re closing just by choosing to do it and changing our vibe around it.

    “”I don’t think it’s ever about taking action that doesn’t feel good. Just sometimes things already feel good and we easily take action and at other times we take the time to line up vibrationally first, and then they feel good and we easily take action.”””

    This is huge! Thanks for bringing this perspective to the discussion. I’m SO SO glad you stopped by & contributed. Thank you!! xo

  13. MissyB says

    Thanks Carol and thanks Tia – it always feels good (!) to be appreciated.
    I wonder how the Abe material would have come out if their mantra said “don’t do what feels bad” rather than “do what feels good” ?! It is a very negative statement on the face of it – but actually is deeply positive when I dwell on it.

  14. says

    I absolutely look forward to hearing from you when I write a post, Missy. Cos you’ve just got the goods y’know. Think you’re onto something here, maybe Abe will include this little tidbit in their future talks. You’re da bombdiggity girlfriend! Hugs xoxo

    ps: in case some peeps are wondering about the time on my comments and how they seem to pop out of nowhere, here’s the deal: I sometimes write them much later in the day and change the time on them so that the conversation flows and continuity remains (a little tip I picked up from Jeannette! :)

  15. Anna says

    There are times, however – mega-emotional days, for instance – when specifics, even of the vaguest variety, can kick my metaphysical mass in the right direction.” Ok this might have flown over my head a little! Were you talking about how you felt while writing this post and hence wanted more clarification or about times you’re feeling that way and wondering what to do then?

    *****
    Actually, Tia, I was thinking of those times when particular feeling about something – good or not, enjoyable or not – is less discernible. Odd? Perhaps. Yet true. And I think this subtlety is more of an issue than many realize. It may be one of those things best explained through example …

    When I first moved to BC, I knew no one, no one knew me – no history, no expectations, no preconceived ideas of who I was. Day 1, I moved & unpacked. Day 2, workday over, what was I going to do for the evening? What did I want to do? What did I Want To Do – had me in a pickle, and was my first real exposure to mySELF sans any and all influences from others. Did I like going to movies? Or did I go because everyone else was going? If I had my choice, knowing all would eagerly go along, what would I opt for?

    This post of yours is great – as always. It speaks to me and sparks my thoughts – as always. So really, this mind-bending thought-provoking trip I’m on is all your fault (she says with a wink and a grin). I like samples and examples, snippets and anecdotes of life here and now, here and how this plays out… Sometimes I need it; sometimes I want it; either way, it helps me toward greater recognition, understanding, compassion…

    Flitting away from the direct subject, perhaps. I guess what I’m trying to say is that when it comes to concept, I benefit through examples. And welcome them -

    Love, Appreciation & Heartfelt Gratitude for you, Tia, for your words -

    – he IS great – Yay for the Gift of Autism!
    – connecting, communicating, creating with what’s here – that’s what life feels all about for me

  16. says

    Ahhhhh I get it now! Thanks for coming back to clarify Anna.

    Remember my epiphany post? That’s when I realised that I’d said I wanted xyz cos I’ve been wanting xyz for a while, so it didn’t occur to me that maybe, I didn’t really want some of the things I thought I did but because I’d wanted them so long, I didn’t realise that could be true.

    For eg: For the past year I’ve said how much I love working from home and this is one of the reasons (apart from making a difference in people’s lives) I chose coaching as a career. I pray rain and manifest clients whenever I want (and am ready for) more.

    Recently I found myself first manifesting, then resisting taking on more clients when they appeared. This showed up as prospective clients contacting me to set a time to talk and simply disappearing after a couple of email exchanges.

    Now, luckily, I knew enough about how I manifest to notice something was up with my vibe.

    When I checked in, I realised that although I love working from home, I don’t want to work from home ALL the time anymore. It occurred to me that I’d like to work from home 3 days a week and a day outside. I also told the Universe I wanted to work with kids, that’s always been a huge passion for me.

    Accepting and acknowledging this subtle change in the lifestyle I wanted led to me being offered a position semi-coaching high school students for 10 weeks – within hours!

    Crazy how that works, huh ;)

    Twas definitely one of those VERY subtle feelings you’re talking about cos heck I’m PASSIONATE about being a coach and LOVE working from home, but a little tweak was needed and I would have missed it had I not wondered what was going on or why I wasn’t feeling good (or bad) about more clients.

    So yeah, when you’re not sure if it feels good or bad, or kinda both, it’s a great indication to stop and ask “what’s going on”? Don’t do anything, just notice what comes up. Pretty dang amazing, this noticing stuff.

    Oh and I totally blame you for making me think so hard on a Sunday when my brain’s hardly able to function… hahaha thanks for making sure I don’t get rusty ;)

    ps: autistic? wld never have guessed! but then maybe I shldv’e – autistic children seem to be some of the most gifted around. brilliant, just brilliant!

    pps: you used 3 of my favorite C’s – connecting, communicating, creating (I’m adding clarity and consciousness to the mix)

    ppps: I love tangents and going off topic cos it brings up so much more.. so keep on keeping on my friend xo

  17. Carol says

    MissyB, never underestimate the difference you are making in others’ lives . . . even if it isn’t acknowledged.

    For a couple of years, I “lurked” on the goodvibeblog.com site, reading every single article and every single comment, but never commenting (because I didn’t feel like I had anything of value to add).

    The number of AHA! moments I’ve had would astound you! What I have learned from you, Jeannette, Tia, Kim, Iyabo, Erik, and all of the others, has been invaluable in my life. You guys have offered so many different perspectives for me and opened me up to a whole different way of life. You’ve helped me to come to know myself and understand the law of attraction (amongst other things).

    I see the world through completely different eyes. In turn, I have been able to share what I have learned with others. But you and the others never knew that the stones you were throwing into the pond (wisdom you were throwing out there) were making the ripples (changing the lives of others so dramatically) that they were. People that you will never meet are benefiting from your wisdom.

    It reminds me of the saying “Anyone can count the seeds in an apple, but only God can count the number of apples in a seed.” Where does one person’s influence end? How many others are there out there that are benefiting from your knowledge and wisdom that you’ll never know about? And they are passing it on to others . . . who are passing it on to others . . .

    To all of you, I am a better person because of you and the wisdom you have shared. Thank you . . . thank you . . . thank you!

  18. says

    Carol, WOW!! You just made me teary eyed. Thank you for this wonderful, wonderful, gracious, beautiful and touching note and for all the appreciation you’re sending our way.

    When some of my posts don’t get a discussion going, I wonder if it was any good or if it helped at all but then I read comments like yours and know it’s my purpose and passion to write, and whether someone comments or not, if even one person reads it and benefits, I’ve done what I’m called to do – inspire and motivate people to live their best lives ever!

    And that is a gift in itself. Wow today ends 29giftsin29days and I’m being given gifts all around. First this post from you and then won 2 tix to a seminar featuring (amongst others) Michael Port at the Art of Sales, valued at $800

    Yknow what though? Your gift is the precious one. Thank you from the depths of my heart.

    And thank you for letting all of us benefit from your wisdom and insights as much as you do from ours. We ALL have something powerful to offer and I appreciate you stepping into the limelight to share what only YOU can :) You’re an important member of this community!

  19. MissyB says

    Oh Carol ( wasn’t that a song! ) you’ve made me a bit blurry eyed too.
    We don’t realise the impact we often have on others. I’ve had a bit of a pants day today, but dropping by and reading what you’ve written has made me realise that my world stretches well beyond my nearest circumstances. NO – thank you Carol.

  20. says

    I just wanted you to know I am aligned with leaving this comment because it feels good.

    Nice post! I totally agree, doing something that doesn’t always feel good while doing it often feels good after having done it.

    As Martha Beck quoted to me, “no one wants to write, everyone wants to have written.”

    :)

    -Pam

  21. says

    LOL Pam!! I just woke up to this and am GRINNING as I remember our tweets last night. Hahahaha love that you checked my post out and were aligned with commenting :D Thanks for making my day!

Trackbacks

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>