Attracting a mate – Give It Up or Wait It Out?

Attracting loveThis is a topic that has been talked about in earlier posts (not necessarily related to relationships though) and was brought to my attention again recently.

You see, it’s that time of the year that I’ve been getting quite a few readers asking me about the best way to manifest a relationship (just something about the end of the year that makes us all evaluate our dreams and desires, maybe?).

I’ve heard stories of friends who decided what they wanted, made a list and focused on it till they met the love of their life.

Like my friend who intended to manifest her dream man, met him within 3 weeks, was engaged within 4 months, married within 9 months and is happy as can be.

On the other hand, I hear plenty of stories of people who gave up looking for their soul-mate and just as soon as they took their focus off meeting The One, bam! They literally ran into them around the corner.

I’ve experienced both. I once threw a Universal tantrum, demanded and happily manifested a partner within days. AND I have done it the other way too – intended to be in a relationship, journaled about it and then let it go, meeting someone special just weeks later!

These methods were quite different energetically, and yet, they both worked.

In the first instance, I got mad and stated my desire in no uncertain terms, giving off a ‘this is what I want and I bloody well get it asap’ vibe.

In the other, I was happy and peaceful and just trusted that I would get what I wanted without spending much time thinking about it.

(The common factors in both instances were clarity and determination)

So here’s my question to you:

Do you stay focused on your desire till it manifests, or have you found more success by intending it and letting your focus go elsewhere?

What has your experience been?

Please share your real life (or hearsay) stories and experiences so that others with the same question can benefit from your response.

Gosh, am I ever looking forward to reading about how you met and attracted your partner – as are the readers who emailed me. Thanks in advance for sharing!

ps: Even if you didn’t “manifest” your partner consciously, I’d love to know how you met. It’s the season for love and thanks so share the love with the rest of us here 😀

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  1. says

    My future husband sent me a letter when I was 12, it was those letters I like you, do you like me. Nothing ever happened in fact he says I never even responded to his letter. We were friends growing up and then one day something just clicked…..

    When we got engaged his mom said she had something for me, she went upstairs and I was thinking what could she possibly have for ME? She came downstairs with the original letter my husband wrote for me. I guess he had written several copies and threw them on his floor. She picked one up and kept it. I said how did you know? She said, I don’t know, I just did.

    So we got married in 1994 and we are about to celebrate our 16th anniversary and have two beautiful daughters. Sometimes love can be right in front of you, and it may take years for it to manifest itself.

  2. says

    WOW what an amazingly sweet story that is 🙂 I got a little misty eyed reading it. Esp this part: love can be right in front of you, and it may take years for it to manifest itself.

    Thanks for sharing, Laura!

  3. says

    I haven’t met my “one” yet, but I have manifested some great relationships in the past. In all cases, having clarity first seems to be a common thread for me too. Not just mental clarity (a list of “wants” and “don’t wants”), but more importantly, emotional clarity (“this is what ALL of me wants, truly”).

    Of my best relationships, all of them came by following my intuition, after I got clear on what kind of relationship I wanted.

    Manifestation seems to work with both “specific details” (personality type, physical traits, common interests, etc) and more of an abstract, general experience (just what it felt like to be in a quality relationship).

    But none of them came until I was authentically emotionally ready. Not just “thinking” I was ready or “wanting” to be ready… but actually, honestly, authentically ready.

    So knowing what you want (to the degree and detail that’s important to you) and BEING emotionally aligned & ready for it seem to be the keys, in my experience.

  4. says

    Same, David! The most important point to remember here is about REALLY being ready, not just saying or thinking it. I’ve said I was ready many a time and yet, deep down I was conflicted so it never lasted. Looking forward to being really truly ready and enjoying all experiences in the meantime 🙂 Thanks for being so honest and open.

  5. MissyB says

    I view my past relationships as stepping stones to the right one…each one has had provided a lesson for me to learn. So I guess the right one for me will come along at the right time…though the right one might be the wrong one if you see what I mean.
    At the mo I’m trying to internet date – but it feeeeels wrong. I feel I should make an effort to try to find the next relationship…but I want that bump in to someone meeting – not a blind date. Its not a nice feeling because everyone says that you have to actively get out there, and that mr right isn’t going to fall in your lap. But if I ask for mr right to find me, surely he will ?! Right ?

  6. says

    I like what you’re pointing to here. Each of those relationships WAS the right one at the right time. If internet dating feels wrong to you, don’t do it.

    Many of my friends have met their partners online. No one actually wants to do it that way, but it seems to have worked for heaps! So stay open to it but if it keeps feeling wrong, then listen to that voice.

    Either leave your profile on to serve as a sign to the U that you are ready (and don’t actually go on dates, haha) or do other things like going out with friends to places you don’t normally go, change your route to work, join a class etc.

    That’s what everyone says, what do YOU believe? If you believe you have to be out there, then you have to. If you believe it will just happen, it will. Not what others think, what you think.

  7. MissyB says

    I’ve loads of friends who have done it that way too – but they view it differently. Each date is an adventure. Each date for me is a job interview where I don’t get the job ! LOL !

    I love the whimsical thought…shopping or out walking and then wham…there HE is. As to what I believe on this – I’m not too sure right now…but I’m working on that. I know what I’d like to believe though.

  8. says

    You’re such a romantic, just like me. I totally want the fast heartbeat, racing pulse and stars in my eyes (all in a GOOD way though) too even though I am open to it happening in any way it happens. I just want a great story to tell my kids, that warms my heart every time I think of it hehe..

  9. Tim says

    Great topic Tia,
    The best relationships that I have ever had, came into my life as friends.
    Shouldn’t we look for friends the same as we look for “The One”?
    I would rather have 10 friends than ten ex-ones.
    I had wonderful relationships that did not work because we were not looking for the same things for our future, but as friends we can support each other to reach our individual goals.
    Yes, there are times that friends cannot give you the same love and sharing of a
    mate, but when a friend becomes that person the relationship is so much richer.

  10. says

    You know what Tim, that’s something I never thought of before – looking for friends with as much care and intent as you do for your life partner? Although I suppose that’s what we do when we join a sports club or activity group to meet like minded people. I’ve gone the friend turned boyfriend route before and most solid relationships I know seem to have started as friends too. Thanks for popping by and commenting!

  11. sonia says

    Since I was in high school (and I knew nothing about the law of attraction), when I was attracted to a guy, I visualized us together and in love and it worked EVERY TIME, even if we didn’t know each other at all, in some way, it was magical. But EVERY SINGLE TIME, while dating, I kept thinking he was too good for me, that he’d soon realize that, and leave, which at some point, he did. And I’ve done that all my life, manifesting the guy I wanted, no matter what impossible it may have seemed, and then losing him because I felt I wasn’t “enough”. I think manifesting is easy, a strong desire and visualization work wonder, but keeping the “manifestation” is the trick. Still haven’t found the keys but I will 🙂
    Love u Tia

  12. says

    I hear you Sonia! I too and excellent at attracting (when I’m in alignment) and not so good at retaining. Which is why I wrote this post on how to keep what you attract. The work surely is in believing in our worthiness AND here’s another thought: what if each of those relationships were perfect for you at that time and no more than that?

    What if they were never meant to last and only happened to teach you some life lessons? Looking at it that way, nothing is permanent and everything happens for a reason.. I like to think of them all as practice relationships!

  13. Janette says

    Hm. I’ve been with my hubby for 22 years now (yikes – I can’t be old enough!!! LOL!). I met him way, WAY before I had any idea about manifesting or energy or even basic self-awareness.

    I wasn’t looking for a relationship; in fact, at the time I was married to someone else. Though I’d been deeply unhappy for a while, I’d never done anything about it as there didn’t seem any point – ooh, hear the unworthiness! – and I had no intention of looking for anything outside that marriage.

    I’d gone to Perth (Western Australia) to start a new job, with an old friend – we’d both been hired for the year by a small theatre company. The artistic director of the company picked us up at the airport on the Sunday we arrived, and took us to the company’s rehearsal space, an old warehouse. We’d never met him before and were both on our best behaviour, though a bit groggy from the four-hour flight.

    As we walked past the front offices and down a dingy old corridor, we came to an open space with light streaming from above. All of a sudden, we found ourselves being pelted with ping-pong balls!! We looked up to see that the floor above had a big square hole in it, designed to allow a platform to be raised via a winch. Two guys sat on the floor above, dangling their legs through the hole and chucking ping-pong balls at the director’s bald spot.

    We were kinda shocked but both had a very hard time not laughing. The director was clearly a bit miffed but did his best to hide it – think of how a cat reacts to being caught out in an undignified moment.

    We found out later that these two guys had been told they HAD to come in on their only day off, to meet the two big ‘stars’ from the eastern states who would ‘show them’ how to do their job. Ouch! I’m surprised they didn’t throw rocks! In fact, during our first weeks there they were unfailingly generous and kind. And both immensely talented.

    Fast forward two years, and one of the guys turns out to be the love of my life. The ping-pong throwing incident even got a mention at our wedding. So now, when people ask me for love advice, I just shrug. What on earth do I know??


  14. says

    Holy cow, what a story that is! I was gripped by the ping-pong love affair it 😀

    Also seeing a theme wherein love happens when you least expect it (with personal proof). Found it rather interesting that you never did anything about it cos what was the point – if I think about it, that’s why we don’t take action most of the time, cos we can’t see it being any other way.

    A creative imagination and lots of day dreaming of how things can be sure come in handy, don’t they.. a slight aha happening for me here regarding an expectation I have found VERY hard to let go off the past few days.

    Try as I might, I cldn’t see it being any other way even though it WAS the other way and the way I wanted wasn’t happening at all. It’s all good though.

    As for love, there isn’t any one way is there.. it happens when you manifest it and it happens when you don’t manifest it. LoL! Thanks for telling your story so well, Janette! Love it!

  15. says

    I wasn’t consciously “looking for a relationship” when I met my husband. I was only 16, LOL! We grew up in the same small town but had somehow never met until then. I really did meet him just walking down the street 🙂 I was at a community dance with a couple of friends. We were bored and decided to leave early. We were walking down the main street of our town, when we ran into a couple of guys walking in the opposite direction. One of the friends I was with knew these guys because they were friends of the guy she was dating at the time. So we stopped and chatted, ended up all going to get subs together, etc. You could practically hear the “click” when my dh and I first locked eyes – there was no question about it for either of us. We’ve been together since that night (almost 22 yrs). You really don’t have to go “looking for love” if you don’t want to – the Universe will absolutely bring it right to you, as long as you’re lined up with it!

  16. says

    Ooooooooooohh the click just thrilled the romantic in me 🙂 Love when that happens! I’m guessing it’s the lining up where all the “work” really is. And the best way to line up with our desire is to do what makes us feel good. Every single time. Thanks for sharing, Karen, I’m still smiling at young love!

  17. Tiffany says

    Well I’ve had very few experiences in this realm (Tia knows why :D), but I’ve had ONE really great experience. I was watching a video that one of my classmates had made. I had no idea who he was, what he looked like or anything…but watching this video threw me for a loop! I fell in love completely with the artistry. I was amazed! Thinking about it all day I was just really happy and excited. That night, I was at another school function, helping hand out pamphlets and such, and it turns out HE is there. I’m a shy girl, romantically, I’m always the chased, never the chaser; however, my legs got out from under me, walked right up to him, and said “I really loved what you did with that video it was amazing!” We ended up having a ten minute conversation: turned out he and I were interested in many, many of the same things. We even had really similar aspirations. I agree with the “hear the click” thing. I felt like someone had dropped me in hell: my face was BURNING hot and my mind could only say one thing “He is…ADORABLE!”.

    Fast forward three months: I’m going on a trip with my school, just a few friends and I going to another state to do some creative work. I was settling into the dorm when I hear someone shout ‘Hello!”. I walk out and who is it but Mr. Amazing! We spent a very very flirtatious week together in the middle of summer. Even my friends who knew nothing of the previous incident were asking “Do you like him? I think he likes you! Look at the way you guys act around each other!”

    Right now, we’re simply good friends! All that heat didn’t work out vibrationally but we have a great friendship now and it always makes me laugh to think about how it all started.

    So for me, keeping things light, acknowledging only what I like, and choosing a different focus when necessary is what works! For me the whole love process: from recognition to attraction to manifestation, is hilariously fun!

  18. says

    Awww that’s so cute! Smiles 🙂 🙂 🙂 Thanks for sharing that, love! Keeping things light and having FUN, yes, yes, YES. One that’s easily forgotten at times, thanks for the reminder xo T


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