The Secret I’m Afraid to Tell You

ps: If you’re new here, don’t worry – this is an April Fools joke! Cos I’m cheeky like that ;)

There comes a time in a woman’s life when she has to make a decision.

Actually, there come many such times. We’re talking about one specific time though.

What should I do with my life?

And here’s my dilemma.

Since I was a little girl my dream has always been to be a wife and mother. Then in my twenties I was proposed to by the 1st of a few to follow. And I said no. He was too young, I was too young. Etc etc.

I realised there was more I wanted to do – travel the world, have adventures.

Marriage and mamahood wasn’t for me at 22.

So I travelled the world and had adventures.

I started my coaching business. I blogged. I dreamed of making ripples in the world and a huge impact on people’s lives. And I got caught up in the idea.

That I was here to make a difference, a big, positive difference in the world.

I resisted relationships for they tied me down. Commitments (to people, places or leases) scared me.

Over the past few months I have been cocooning and asking myself what’s really important to me.

What do I want most in life?

I always thought my # 1 value was love.

Turns out, it was freedom. The same freedom that kept me from committing to marriage or a long term relationship.

Last week, I decided to choose which value I wanted to honor most.

And freedom’s had an epic run being # 1 but it’s now time for love to take its place.

Freedom isn’t far behind, it’s very close but what I want more than anything is to be happily married and be a stay at home mom for a while.

So my dear reader, I’m coming out today.

I’m scared and also excited to tell you that I’ve decided to move to a ranch in Australia to be with a guy I’ve been seeing for a while.

I’m going to raise cattle and cook for his 3 gorgeous children and have more with him.

There. I said it. And I’m still standing :)

Phew!

How does this impact you, you ask?

You see, there was a decision to be made and I thought I had to hide it from the world.

For what kind of a modern business woman would I be to chuck it all up for love and a hot stove?

I was afraid that I would be judged, attacked for taking women’s lib 2 steps back (yeah, I got some of that for sure).

But why?

Why should I be scared to be who I really want to be?

If that’s what I want, then that’s exactly what I should do!

It’s my choice, not anyone else’s right?

I have to do what makes ME happy no matter how strange or unconventional OR old fashionedly conventional!

If I’m not walking my talk, how can I tell YOU to Live Your Life YOUR Way?

When I do something I love, I do it with all my heart.

There simply isn’t any time or mind space to focus on running this business AND being the wife and mother I want to be.

I’ve seen fellow solopreneurs trying to run a business and manage a family of toddlers and wee ones and they’ve been getting burned out, stressed and sick to the point of having to take time off.

I don’t want that to happen to me, so I’m making a choice to take time out now, rather than be forced to for health reasons.

It’s been a great run but all good things must come to an end.

I’m not sure how much longer I’ll run this blog, a couple of months perhaps but truth be told my heart has already fled the tracks and I’m following suit.

I may bring it back next year, or in a few months or not at all. I have NO idea what the future holds, apart from the promise of great love and bliss.

Thank you for your delightful presence here and I hope you understand! This decision has not been made lightly, at first I agonised but then it all became so clear that I could see my reflection in it.

I ask you for your support and good wishes as I embark on my next adventure, on this oh-so-scary-and-crazy ride called life!

Tell me – Do I have it? I really need it!

Much love, gratitude and appreciation, Tia xoxo

ps: check the 1st comment for a very special goodbye gift from me!

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Comments

  1. says

    Oh what? What’s the date today?

    The-I-betcha-I-had-ya-going-Happy-April-Fools-Day-to-ya-daay?

    Muuuuahahahhahahaha!! >: ) Fess up! YOU FELL FOR IT!!! What was your first reaction? I wanna know!!!

    • says

      Ok, judging by my e-mail back to you…I clearly fell for it. Probably because the e-mail version doesn’t get to me until the day after the blog posts. No fair April Foolin’ on the 2nd!!!

      Clearly my reaction was, HECK YEAH…YOU GO GIRL!! Happy for you whatever you decide to do. You’re awesome! ;-)

      • says

        Oh poopers!! That’s not cool >: /

        Feedburner sends them out almost instantly sometimes and then delays at other times, this is one time it need not have waited.. arghhh!!

        Just read your email, ahhhh lol … ahh! Sorry to be a day late punkin’ ya pumpkin! Love ya & miss ya on our MM calls hope to see you on the next one!

  2. sonia says

    oh sweetie, I’m sooooo happy for you! I know you’ll be very very very happy cos you’re following your heart. This is such great news!!!! I’m so happy I’m almost in tears. Mwah!!!! love you and wishing you the happiest of lives!

    • says

      Oh darling Sonia!! You commented too fast!! LOL! Read my comment above… awwww your comment makes me so happy though, awwww! Big love to you!! xoxo

  3. says

    HA! You totally had me Tia! AWESOME! (and I would be thrilled for you if you moved to Australia and raised cattle and babies if that is what your heart desired!!) Giggling still.

    • says

      LOL! YAY! So glad I got ya! This reminds me of sometime in 2004 when I did the same thing via email – I had about 50 friends write back with variations of “OMG INDIA WEDDING” and “I’m going to kill you”!! Ahhhh fun :)

      And thank you Lori, if that did happen, I do hope I’m going to be brave enough to do it in a heartbeat! Happy April Feuls Day!

    • says

      I almost felt bad for how happy you were for me, tears and all! LOL! But I love you for what a kickass supportive reply that was! xo

    • says

      EH!! Bridgyboo, thanks so much. I’m assuming you did you read the whole thing and are now being cheekyweeky!? Regardless, I am 1000% on board with that comment you made!!

      It’s not about bigger, better, faster, more. It’s about living life fully and whatever that means for each one of us.

      YES, YES, YES, YES, YES, YES. Oh, and YES!!! Yes. Love you and welcome to YLYW :)!

  4. Lyn Gregory says

    Tia, my first reaction??? Was that I was wonderfully pleased for you but how sad that I wasn’t going to get blog updates from you because you talk SO much sense………..this is one April Fool that I am very relieved to have been taken in by…….even more glad to find out you’ll still be around! :) x

    • says

      Well Lyn, the Universe was listening to YOU over me this time, hehe ;) Glad to know I’d be missed but ne’er you worry, I’m still here and by golly, I don’t see myself ever not wanting to blog or coach .. although, in a few years who knows? My friend Nina just messaged me to say just you wait, this is so gonna happen now! LOL! Wldn’t THAT be a riot!

  5. says

    Blast! I want to write a book about an Aussie rancher and I was hoping you and your fella could help me with the research. And now you tell me he’s made up :-(

    • says

      Well maybe he’s not ;) Maybe he’s out there reading this right now, going DAYAM, I found me a live one, mother! Seriously, are you looking for an Aussie rancher? I’m sure I can help find one for you!

      ps: If you go to http://en.gravatar.com/ you can get your pretty face here next to your comment instead of purple cookie monsters!

  6. says

    I am a totally gullible person and i did believe you but my first thought was, I thought she just came out as a lesbian. I thought, oh well. People change……. :-) Good for her for doing what her heart calls her to do. :-)

    AND the main thing I got was the main message which is BE YOURSELF, not matter what that is. YOU said:
    “I have to do what makes ME happy no matter how strange or unconventional OR old fashionedly conventional!
    If I’m not walking my talk, how can I tell YOU to Live Your Life YOUR Way?
    When I do something I love, I do it with all my heart.”

    AND that is the great message!!!!

    All love to you and love your sense of fun and joy and love and light. Blessings to you sister goddess!!!!

    • says

      Hello gorgeous new person at YLYW, your comment just made me light up! I’m just really good at telling tall stories, so don’t feel bad you got taken in!

      Nope, still very much attracted to men here, not changing that in this lifetime. Although what an awesome coming out post THAT would be! I have lots of gay friends and I love them all to bits :)

      Yes, this was a totally fun, lighthearted, naughty post and I also LOVE that you got a great message from it too! Indeed, that’s what living life your way is all about – marching to the tune of your inner drummer, no matter what the world feels about it.

      And that’s my mission – to empower peeps to do it their way. Freedom, inspiration, passion, FUN! Thanks for your awesome comment Elizabeth, lovely to meet you xo

      • says

        Hey Tia—I am just finally putting this together. Ha! Perfect April 1st thing to have happen. I thought you were Bridgette posting this. BUT I love it that you got such a great bunch of comments and that we are meeting……

        By the way, I am still legally Sadhu Kaur…..I see your name Tia Singh and I am wondering if you grew up as a Sikh. I still practice many parts but I call myself a Reform Sikh at this stage of my life. Talk about having to live what my heart tells me. That is a whole other story……I even had an arranged marriage.

        so lovely to connect with you!!!!!! muah xxxoooooo

        • says

          Oh goodness, how awesome!! I would LOVE to hear your story – how you became sikh, the arranged marriage et al. Bet it’s FASCINATING!!

          Yes, my dad was born Sikh but he is atheist turned agnostic and my mom is a Hindu turned Buddhism practitioner :)

          I didn’t have a religious upbringing but I have been to gurudwaras and wore a kada for the longest time. Funnily enough, was raised in Catholic schools and tradition till I was 14 and always wanted to convert untill I grew up and realised religion doesn’t make me, I make my religion.

          Now, I’m universally spiritual without following any one faith. Just like you said – follow my heart and my inner guidance, do what feels good. Freedom and Love are my religion!

          • says

            Thanks for writing. I love hearing about your family. I grew up with no religion and was “seeking”. :-) When I was 15 I attended a Catholic service and I am still thinking that if it had been in Latin I might have gone that way. I adore sound current-chanting-devotional music-gurbani kirtan. I still chant a lot and I also play the harmonium and gurbani.
            I took a Kundalini Yoga class when i was 15 and was hooked. The American Sikhs were teaching it and I moved into the ashram here in Eugene when I was still in high school. You can imagine how that was back in 1975. Found out real soon who my true friends were. All good.
            Got married in an arranged marriage when I was 18. Had two amazing children, now 30 and 27. Divorced that man 20 years ago (that is a whole other long story) and have been happily with my dearest hubby Jim now for 20 years.
            I have said that I went from being a Orthodox Sikh to being a Reform Sikh but I think I will change it to Rebel Sikh. :-)
            I consider myself a Lightworker, universally minded, all inclusive, LOA, love based….all that good sh*t religion…..I relate to Source Energy-Home Office-Inner Voice-Higher Self-God-Goddess-????. My mission statement that came to me recently is to just “be love”. I am a life coach (Inner Life Coach), just getting my biz going after getting fired (yay!) 2.5 years ago for not shutting the f*ck up ( I was the human resource manager and they told me I talked about feminism and diversity too much, even though they originally hired me to do just that.) Happy happy happy that the Universe put me right where I am supposed to be. NEVER working in corp America ever again!

            My niche and mission are “Helping men and women fall in love with themselves!” it is my obsession and passion.

            Long story…..but so happy to connect with you!!
            Sat Siri Akal and a big wahe guru to you, ji! <3<3<3

            • says

              Loveeeeeeeeee your mission! LOVEEEEEEEEEEE!!! Yay for freedom and life coaching and nixing the corporate world. It’s good for some but here, we’re birds of the same feather!

              What a fantastical story, Elizabeth!! I’m so happy that my little prank brought you out to play :D I personally like Rebelightened Sikh hehe – cos then you’re not just “against” something but FOR a lot more!! xo

  7. says

    Boo! April Fool’s joke! You got me. :-p

    AT FIRST, I thought, well if this is something you really want — then by all means, follow your heart. Live life YOUR way, after all. :) Some people like the old fashioned conventional thing. I wasn’t entirely convinced… your writing felt rushed/unfelt. When people REALLY feel (and are afraid to say) what you said, they usually write it differently. It’s a subtle thing. Not sure how to describe it.

    And I thought you *LOVED* doing the coach thing, so I was a bit surprised and confused about dropping that so suddenly. But you never know. People change. I used to be a lot more entrepreneurial, starting my own business off and on again over the years. But recently, after some *deep* soul searching, I’ve decided that what I REALLY want (and have been trying to do through business) is be the talent — make a living as a writer/creative talent. The business side has always feel draining to me, after the initial creation part.

    So I thought maybe you had a similar revelation or something. Maybe you decided, after some soul searching, to change your priorities or lifestyle. We all have the freedom to do that. So I gave you the benefit of the doubt and believed you. :-p

    I was going to encourage you to keep this blog going — until I read that your heart was no longer in that too. (I was definitely surprised at that.) So then I was going to recommend you keep the blog going anyway, but more of a personal update on your life story every now and then. Just to stay connected with everyone and share how happy and in love you were… living on a ranch in Australia doing the mom and housewife thing.

    But now… phooey. Boo on you. :-p April Fool’s joke. I should’ve paid attention to the date before I read this too seriously. Ya got me. Anyway. So…. what are your REAL feelings? About love, relationships, freedom, career, etc?

    • says

      btw, that book you’re reading in the photo up top… “What Should I Do With My Life?” by Po Bronson. GREAT book!! I loved it. Read it like a decade ago. :) Learned a lot from it. One of my favorite stories was about the “lock box” theory. Something I was in danger of getting trapped into myself. Not any more! :)

    • says

      Smarty pants :P!

      Yknow what though David? The sentiments I expressed are real. Everything about the post is true except for the moving to Australia part and leaving the blog. I really DID think I wanted to be “just” a wife and mom when I was younger and even now, a part of me wants that.

      That ranch mommy is as much a part of me, as the bloggin’, coachin’ bit (without the milking cows and cooking part though – there’s the city girl coming out!)

      If I didn’t know that I could do BOTH, nurture the home loving AND adventurous parts of me, I might have been just as I described, giving “up” something for something else. Actually… come to think of it, I didn‘t know I could and that’s why I’ve chosen freedom over love till date! It’s been 10 years of learning how to have them both and by jove, I think I may have got it now.

      So my real feelings as you ask?

      Marriage is something that used to scare me and make me run from it, even though I’ve said I wanted to be married for 10 years! That’s cos to me, marriage & motherhood = being tied down, restricted, the end of travelling adventures, overtaken by dirty nappies, lack of sleep, everything changes.

      What’s more, I was more afraid that I might actually WANT those changes and lose my identity. I’ve seen it happen to many. Glad that it hasn’t happened to met yet cos I would not have been self actualised enough to realise I can change my perspective on it.

      Now I see love, marriage and a family as something to co-create with another, we get to choose how to be, how to do it. Wow. Now THAT’s a level of freedom that took some time getting around to (the idea of).

      Not sure if I’m even making sense anymore, my point is I now see this all as “I choose how I want to experience this adventure” – I can choose to see it as a loss of freedom, or I can choose to see it as allowing freedom within the choices I make.

      In short, yeah I love the idea and am totally making a commitment to myself, my relationships, love, marriage, babies, my blog, my clients, my work, my family, AND my adventures! They can ALL co-exist. The formula might vary but heck yeah.

      Luckily, I know now that I don’t have to give up one for the other, but if I chose to, well, that would be okay too as long as I made that choice freely :)

      Pha-whew!! Whodda thought an April’s Fools post would encourage such deep thinking! I feel like I just spilled my guts all over the interwebs for everyone to see .. and it doesn’t bother me, ha! Thanks for asking the questions and now I want to hear from YOU – what’s your take on everything you asked me?

      Love that you did your work to figure out your place is in front, not behind the scenes! It truly is a process of listening to your gut constantly and acknowledging when something’s moved or changed. You’re a star, DM!

  8. says

    I like that idea! Well, let me know if he turns up, but it’s not a problem. I know someone who was a jackaroo so I can probably ask him about ranching.

    • says

      I’ll put the word out on Twitter and FB, Steph :)
      ps: Ask the jackaroo if he’s looking for a wife who can’t cook?! Yeah I lied about that part in the post .. oops.

  9. Mia says

    LOL – you got me too, totally. I thought, what a truly interesting U-turn she has made now. :-) x
    You’ve certainly got a future as a story-teller!

    • says

      This IS the future, Mia! I’ve told stories for as long as I can remember – once kept a joke going for over a month with a friend in India (about 20 years ago) and she couldn’t believe me and another friend managed to swing it for so long!

      Happy April sweetheart :) x

    • says

      Too many giggles!! Wouldn’t it be so cool if a year from now you were visiting me on a ranch in Australia!? Or Arizona?! Teehee >: )

  10. says

    OK … You had me! ;)
    I thought …. “Gee… why can’t she do both? Freedom is Love and Love is Freedom! Why is there a choice to be made here… both are the same….” As I kept reading I continued to think … Hmmm maybe I was coaching you in my head 8O — “I am happy for her… and I do believe she will be back blogging from the ranch in Australia”
    Then I read your comment — Excellent April Fools!
    Big Hugs to you where ever you are! ;)

    • says

      Ellie, as I replied to David’s comment above, a year ago I would have been the girl who thought I’d have to give up one thing for the other.

      Writing this post and reading everyone’s comments and replying to them has made me realise that the me of today would STILL write that post exactly as is, cos everything about it is true (not the move but the sentiments,) EXCEPT that she’d also say I’m moving to Oz AND keeping everything going as is!

      Cos Tia today knows she can have this AND that. Not this OR that. Blows my mind how this little joke has turned into such a thoughtful discussion :) Love it!!

      And thanks for Freedom is Love, Love is Freedom – both are the same! WOW, that just zinged an arrow of truth. I am SOOOOO glad I wrote this!

      ps: I’m in Calgary, hugs and cowboy hats backatcha! xo

      • says

        This has indeed turned into a Great Conversation! I Love what you said “Tia today knows she can have this AND that. Not this OR that” — If everyone Knew that…. they would all be smiling all day long!! :D
        Biggest Hugs from the boonies of upstate NY

        • says

          My fave takeaways, Ellie?

          “True Love is FREEING!!” “Love is freedom! Freedom is love!!” What a fabulous concept! I do believe I am ready for that and this post may well have been my way of signalling the U hehe.

          Big hugs backatcha! Can’t wait to visit someday!

  11. Brigitte says

    I’ve been reading your blog but never had time to comment… but I MUST answer this!

    Oh my God! It’s such a big change! And a delightful one.

    I say GO FOR IT! I’m sure you’ve made the right decision. I’m sure, too, that if you’re willing you will find time for everything you love, including this blog. I’d love to see how this rolls…

    Be happy! I wish you the best.

    • says

      I’m stoked that you took the time to comment sweet Brigitte! Miss seeing you on the GVU forums but so happy to see you here :)

      Thank you for “if you’re willing, you will find time for everything you love, including this blog” – when wifehood and mamahood fill my life, I’ll remember what you said!!

    • says

      Nooooo!! You adorable cutie!! Nooo!! It has nothing to do with you being European, did you see how EVERY SINGLE person who commented was fooled? And most of them are American! It was just a really good trick, my darling! Big hugs sweetie xo

  12. says

    LOVE IT! I was reading it going – ‘good for you’ following what you want and at the same time thinking ‘dang, I just discovered your site and LOVE it, now she’s leaving’. I love a good April Fool’s Joke! Still trying to scheme up one myself… you got the wheels turning!!

    • says

      Hahahaha! I wasn’t even planning to at first, then Jeannette Maw said hey if anyone hears of a good April Fools prank let me know and then Wendy Maynard said on FB that she was going to quit entrepreneurship to make 2-3 more babies and then someone else changed their FB status to “engaged” and then inspiration just hit me!!

      Glad it brought you here though :) And hope to see you around again Jen!

  13. says

    Mary Mother of God!! You totally, fucking got me!! I’m soooo thankful its not true…for selfish reasons, but I would have totally supported you no matter what! I love you and I’m so thankful to have your prankster ass in my life!!

    • says

      Bwahahahahahah Ames!! Gawd, I was out grocery shopping and at every aisle I’d burst out laughing imagining people still reading while I was out shopping. People at SuperStore probably thought I was high or just off my head.

      Oh dear lord .. *wipes away tears* I do love your reaction. Come on – we talk every WEEK, wldn’t you have KNOWN!? Esp considering how much you DO know abt my sitch!?? Must just mean I rock at lying my a** off! Hahahha! Mwah!

  14. says

    Tia, I can’t say I know you really well but we’ve connected enough for me to get a feel for who you are. I knew what you were describing was not YOU. I know how much you love your work and really, you’re just getting started. Look how many readers were drawn to your post by the title!

    Have a fabulous weekend!

    Love, Barb

    • says

      Oh Barb, you’re one of two who were suspicious reading it. Thing is though – I CAN totally see myself doing something like that for love. Just that, I would have that AND my blog and biz! What good’s a cake if you can’t eat it hey ;) Thanks for dropping by to share, love hearing from you!

  15. Urmi says

    Hey! Tia, I wish your blog wasnt just a joke :-(

    Marriage is a personal choice. Love is not. I truely believe that anyone has both is a lucky person and if they have children then they can be certain of Nirvana!!!
    My wish for you is that you attain Nirvana. LOL
    Here’s to Love, Marriage and Babies (not always in that order).
    Urmi

    • says

      Well said Urmi, well said! I believe in love and marriage both. And I definitely choose the whole package, so hear me Universe! Nirvana it is then.

      It was pretty darn funny to see all the reactions – made everyone laugh and injected some giggles into a normal day. I’ve been hysterical since 11am and it’s now 7pm :D

      My only concern is that when I fall in love for real no one will believe! LOL! Btw mamahood and wifehood look really good on you xo

  16. says

    You TOTALLY got me girl!!! I thought, “Wow…one minute she’s moving to Calgary, the next cleaning jets, and now Australia??!” But, I was all ready to send you a sweet, supportive, follow your heart kind of message – all the while thinking, how did she ever keep that secret from all of us at GVU?? Did I miss that call?? Hahahahaha…Either I’m really tired (and therefore more gullible) or you just pulled off a classic!

    Have to admit though, glad you’re sticking around ;). I’d have missed you girlfriend!!!!

    xoxo
    Lisa

    • says

      Lisa, you need only see the comments ahead of you to know I pulled off a classic with sheer aplomb! How very cheeky and naughty of me! Not sure how I’m gonna ever top this though. Yeah, all those posts at GVU (esp my latest wee bit of news) and my scripting on the call today with J, all grist for the mill.

      I shall sleep with a smile on my face tah-nite!

  17. says

    Okay, I am THE only one who didn’t fall for it. Might have something to do with our last call on Tuesday? Hee Hee….(ok…I’d be really pissed if you had kept this from me for 7 weeks!). Nice going though!

    • says

      You’re the 3rd one Laura! Although, the other 2 were suspicious but my wicked smart writing reeled them in eventually so maybe you ARE the 1st ;)

      Imagine being able to keep this for 7 weeks thru that course though!? I’d need to be sainted for sure! Ain’t no way I can be in love and hide it from the world.

      Gee.. best.day.ever. Oh and I DO have a wee bit of something I want to tell you so will look for you online *teehe* maybe we should book in week 8 for the week after next as a follow up! Woot!

  18. says

    Tia,

    First, there was no way you would not have shared some of this before with us :)

    Second, I just can’t see you as someone who says “I can’t do this” and stopping the whole blog and coaching business gave me a hint :)

    Love,

    Sophie

    • says

      I knew GVUers would smell a rat Sophie, ya’ll know too much about me! Way to use the ole noggin’ hehe. Yeah I wouldn’t let anything stop me from blogging unless I truly wanted to stop :) This is now the # 1 commented blog post here, HAHA!

  19. Mandira says

    You do tell a good story, always have! Well I am willing a hot Australian rancher your way. Not sure you want the 3 kids though!

    • says

      Remember the time we fooled you for a month!? And the time I emailed everyone from NZ saying I was getting hitched? Now when I REALLY do, no one is going to come cos they’ll think I’m crying wolf ;)

  20. says

    omg I totally fell for it! Even tweeted it before I looked at the comments. In my defense, I didn’t read it until Saturday.

    I have to say thought that I was totally excited for you and looking forward to hearing updates on your Aussie adventures (I just somehow knew this wouldn’t be the last we heard from you!)

    You rascal!!
    ;)

    • says

      Rascal!! That alone was worth it, to be called a rascal! Lmao! This showed me how many people love and support me so I am not sorry for punking everyone’s a**!! EPIC!!

  21. says

    Naughty girl! Man! I too am a woman who has passed up relationships . . . and am recently passing up (?????) a deeply loving one with a man from New Zealand! So as I read your post I felt some sadness or guilt and then had to look more deeply just to see that I go with what I go with, and that there’s a greater trust that always comes in, even if I’m not trusting it.

    I can imagine that someday I might “settle down,” but I really don’t know. My wonderful relationship from the last year has shown me so much about love and what’s possible. Still, I had to go with my heart and allow the space to come in and continue on this journey, possibly on my own, but never really on my own.

    Interesting times.

    So I was kind of relieved, honestly, to get to your comment!

    Love,

    Carin

    • says

      Carin, go to New Zealand!!! Ok ok, I see that it’s a decision you’re making from your heart and intuition so that’s ok. I’d ask you to check though – is it intuition or fear? Can you tell the difference?

      Much of the problem comes from the word “settle”. I know it did for me. Who in heck wants to SETTLE or “fall” in love? Language is so important.

      I vote we RISE in love and embark on new adventures vs falling and settling! And tis true, you are never alone. Huge respect for trusting your heart and allowing space, young lady. Rock on!

  22. says

    Yes I trust myself over any noise in my head or coming from elsewhere that says it’s this or it’s that. :)

    Life unfolds, is unfolding, is already unfolded, is. So little to worry about. So nice.

    I will admit that I don’t like it when people say, “are you just afraid?” It feels like an attempt to belittle or undermine one’s own intuition. Frankly, the scary part for me was passing up this opportunity, for fear that more love didn’t exist. But my intuition was clearer than my fear. And to fall in that unknown was a beautiful, albeit, frightening thing. Must trust or go nuts. :)

    • says

      Fair enough :) I only asked that question cos sometimes I myself find it hard to tell the difference between fear and intuition, it’s something I’m still playing with and practicing. I feel fear in my belly, a knot or racing heartbeat. Intuition feels like my body or head starting to tingle. That’s how I can tell so far.

      But I see you’ve got a strong feel for that difference and that’s indeed fabulous! How do you tell them apart – do you feel sensations in your body? Head? Is it a KNOWING? I’d love to know as many a discussion has been had about telling the difference b/w fear and intuition!

      You’re an inspiration my friend, thank you for sharing your story and decision making process, for knowing what was fear and what was intuition and for allowing the unknown with such trust and faith.

      That takes GUTS. You’ve got it in spades. I’m looking forward to seeing where your journey takes you in 2011 xo

    • says

      Thank you SO MUCH for your generous response. I really appreciate it in my heart! I’ve been feeling to come back here to post since I sent my last comment. I felt it might have come across moody or defensive, so I thank you for the space to process and share about my exploration.

      I love your question about telling the difference between fear and intuition. And I think you’re on to something . . . noticing how it occurs in your body. For me, intuition is clear. There’s just an open space of “rightness.” Even with that, as I mentioned before, there might still be fear. For example, as I was taking the risk to step away from my relationship (for now!), I felt so groundless. I felt so scared that I wouldn’t have love again. I’m grateful for practices like being really present to the sensations that are coming through without having to move to manipulate them.

      For example, when I was feeling so fearful, I would take the time to relax within it, realizing that grabbing for soothing wasn’t necessarily going to help. And then I just felt that fluttering and gripping in the stomach, sobbed, felt like I was Alice falling down the rabbit hole, and just rode it.

      Also for me, if I’m *thinking* and trying to make decisions using thoughts that aren’t necessarily going to go anywhere, I may be in fear. Fear of trusting? Fear of allowing the right information to be available when it’s available and fear of tolerating the not knowing?

      I was raised by a very rational and pragmatic thinker who really doesn’t know what to make of me now. I’m quite sure he wonders where he went wrong!

      I’d love to keep exploring this with you!

      For now, I’m off to reading deprivation week. I won’t be reading messages until next Sat or Sun! (Week 4 of The Artist’s Way . . . this course definitely helps point to what’s true for the individual. Love it!)

      Thanks again for being so great.

  23. says

    You had me fooled and, to tell the truth, I was about to send champagne and best wishes – I root for love always, am a big believer in “I can have it all” and love the “you can have your cake and eat it too” process. Perhaps we can’t have it all right here, right now – be two places at one time in this physical incarnation – but what about multiple universes?

    What about all the lives that we may be living – (ie. you as rancher wife in Oz, you as blogger in BC and so many more lives happening that you may not even be aware of). I think its about recognizing the ingredients that we want in our own recipes and being open to how delicious it, not only is, but will be in ways we can’t even imagine. You could blog from the ranch (as I am blogging from a sailboat at sea) – I’d like to hear your vision for having it all – the rancher and the blog! Bring it on baby! Lots of love, Anne (Coach Paradise)

    • says

      Anne, you’re boggling my mind so much that I will have to come back and comment after brekkie. This is JUICY stuff that you’re bringing up!! Ooooooo :O!

  24. says

    Aargh! I can’t stand April Fools Day! ;)

    Yeah, you got me…I’m so gullible. The thing is, though, even though it was a joke you made some excellent points! Embrace your real self and your desires, no matter what they are or what anyone else might think. I’m embracing being super-sensitive and spiritual and emotional and introspective, but also adventure and loud punk music and tattoos! All those things, and many more, add up to who I am.

    Thanks Tia, for a most unusual wake-up call! :)

    • says

      Now I’m starting to feel a little bad cos obviously I am much loved and adored and many people were SO excited for me that I wish it WAS true just so everyone’s wishes could come true! Oops, there’s my people pleasing side for ya :)

      My mom read it while on the fone with me from India and at first went “oh no, ranch + 3 kids” and then within seconds was thinking “aww that’s ok, 3 kids + more kids + she’ll COOK!” and was ready to kick my butt when she realised it wasn’t true, haha.

      I’ve said before in this thread – except for the man and ranch and kids and giving up the blog, the rest of the stuff I wrote (my history, thoughts and sentiments) was very true.

      It definitely was an eye opening experience with the discussions that followed and I’m very glad I wrote it. Especially when you say something like you’re embracing the soft AND quirky sides of you! That makes me so happy! And you are very welcome my dear Laurie, more power to you gf!

  25. says

    Yes hook line and sinker, I thought where is Tia going to be living in Australia wonder where she will be? I did think why would you give up blogging….. Well thanks for the fun as ellie say great conversation you have going
    love
    Suzie
    PS Freedom is my no 1 value too

    • says

      Thanks Suzie :) Freedom has been my # 1 value, as of yesterday it’s love. Freedom is 1.000001 – THAT close behind! Or better still, I claim them BOTH. For true love IS freedom. Freedom IS true love. Bliss!

  26. says

    Yeah, you had me going for sure. That’s probably because April Fool’s Day is my birthday (no foolin’) so I think of it as a life celebration day, not a day for jokes, so I was all ready to celebrate your new life!! :) BUT I’m glad it was a joke and that you’re still here, although I would be just as glad if you were heading off on an adventure that lit you up, no matter what it was. :)

    • says

      Happy belated birthday Andekins! The way I see it, pranks and jokes are a part of PLAY and there’s NOTHING more life giving and celebratory and aliveness inducing than than playing and laughing :D
      I know you and Ducky are with me on that so let’s keep celebrating with sparkles and wags, woot wooty woot!

  27. says

    Here’s how gullible I am: I KNEW that you did this on your FB status and it was an April Fools joke, then I came to read this today and even got TEARY eyed for you. I mean this in the most loving way- but you’re an A-HOLE!!!! ;)
    xoxoxo

    • says

      Oh my .. ain’t no love like foul mouthed love… you and Amy crack me the shiznits up. I love you both too, my sweet sweet chicas :) So adorbs! xo

  28. says

    I knew it wasn’t true when I got to the bit about the ranch in Australia. We don’t have ranches in Australia… [they're called cattle properties] and I reckoned the gorgeous aussie you were marrying would surely have set the record straight on that one by now! LOL Nice try Tia but you didn’t fool me… [well not for long anyway - grin]

    So glad you’re not giving up blogging though… although you could have still had it all here in Australia. We’re getting a national broadband service soon that would have kept you in touch with the rest of the world from wherever in the far flung outback you might have chosen to settle down with hubby and the three kids (((chuckles)))

    Oh well… maybe now you’ll just have to visit. And who knows when you do… you just might meet that really cool aussie guy you were just speaking of. Life is kind of funny like that. Sometimes we know things ahead of time… and that’s why we say them. Spooky :-)

    • says

      True that Jean, I should have remembered from MacLeods Daughters … ranches are in the US of A! You’re about the 3rd or 4th person to say “watch out, that may happen” – now won’t THAT be a story to tell if it does!?

      I suspect the real story might be far less exciting than that though. WAIDDAMINUTE!! What am I saying – nothing about my life is normal or staid, no matter what, you can be sure I’ll have a tantalising tale to tell. Can’t wait to see what happens next ;)!

      I may go back to NZ for a visit Jan-Mar, if so, I’ll be sure to hop across the pond and say Gday Mate! Where exactly do you live? Been to Melbourne, Manly, Sydney, GC and Brissie so far (no cattle properties yet!)

  29. says

    Ok, Tia, I totally fell for it (particularly since it’s now April 3rd and I didn’t realize you posted this on the 1st!) Ha ha! It felt real ’cause it felt like you were following your heart and I know you to be someone who isn’t afraid to take risks! Much love, Barbara

    • says

      Oops! Still reeling them in, haha ;) Good to know your faith in me stands strong my friend! Here’s to epic risk taking of all sorts – my mantra for Q2. Yeah baby.

  30. Ronnilynn says

    I just got here and find that you are off for another life adventure. sparkle away and share with those girls. We’ll be here if/ when you find your way back. God bless and keep you safe while you travel the path to your life ahead. I feel blessed having the chance to read whats happened before this moment on your blog. And I shout at the top of my lungs (I will when I get to the beach) I AM A SPARKLER

  31. says

    Hey Tia :) April Fool’s Day joke or not, I’m gonna comment on this anyway. Because you know what? this is a decision many of us find ourselves faced with at one point or another. I was a single parent when my oldest was younger, and as I scrambled to juggle babysitters with work hours and a college education all I wanted was to be a stay-home mom.

    After marriage I stayed home for 18 months with my second child and found out I HATED being a stay-home parent. After those baby years got done sucking all of my time, playing mommy to two kids didn’t fill the need I had to be challenged. So I went back to school, went back to work, and found out working a 9 to 5 and raising 2 kids didn’t work for me either. So I started freelancing, “wasting” my extensive education by becoming a writer (I started out in medicine). Now my 3 kids are older, my husband works long hours and I’ve been a (mostly) stay-home mom for the last 6 months while we got this new schedule of busy dad and 3 busy kids worked out, and I’m looking to go back to the 9 to 5 so I can work around my kids’ schedules.

    I’m almost 30, and more than once I’ve looked at myself and said, “Dude, what are you thinking?” But you know what? That’s okay. What worked two years ago doesn’t work now. What I wanted then doesn’t jive with my drive today. And it doesn’t matter how old I am, or how many kids I have, I can go after that.

    So truthfully? I find the punking here a little tasteless, because there are those of us who have been there, and for whom this is a very serious dilemma. But I know you didn’t mean it to be so Im simply going to say if you want to go raise sheep, go for it. Whatever form the metaphorical “raising sheep” might take along the way.

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