The Authenticity Paradigm


We’re getting braver it seems.


Voices are getting louder.

People are starting to speak up & say their truth.

And the rest of humanity is waking up to realise that it’s their truth too.

It’s evident in that a couple of people have recently dared to say what they really thought and people swarmed them like bees on honey, hungrily lapping up authenticity  and courage in its purest form.

Last month Dan Oah talked about the Disease called Perfection.

Yesterday, it was Nerdy Apple Bottom talking about My Son is Gay (or Not).

Now, I’m not advocating you go tear your heart open and bleed all over the internet via a blog. That’s not what I am saying at all. It’s also NOT about writing something in order to go viral. If you do that, just know it ain’t gonna happen.

It’s not even about clickin’ a link either. Nope.

It’s about the voice in you that wants to be heard. And expressed.

By others, sure. But mostly, by YOU.

THIS is why you applaud and encourage people who stand up and open themselves to the scrutiny of strangers, attracting as many brickbats as bouquets.

When you (maybe) think “I admire their conviction and courage” or “I wish I could say what I really think but I can’t cos there’s too much to lose / people won’t understand me / people will think I’m nuts /  my “professional” image will be affected, etc etc. ETC, you’re shutting down a part of you.

When you write a comment saying “you are so brave, awesome”, hit the “share” button and go your way, you think you’ve expressed yourself, spoken up and been heard as well. Maybe you have, to an extent.

Tell me this though, how is that showing up in your life? Is anything changing there or are you giving mere lip service?

If you can support someone else’s vulnerability, what about yours?

This is REAL life.

YOUR life.

It’s about starting small, starting with you. Forget about the world for now. Let’s focus on you.

On Courage, Vulnerability. Openness. Being true to yourself. Loving yourself enough to stop living excuses and charades. Being brutally honest about what you want and who you are. Knowing where you sell yourself short.

It’s about taking a stand.

For your values. Your dreams. Your passion. Doing things your way.

It’s about going within and asking yourself the hard questions about what is really important to you and how much longer will you keep living someone else’s life?

It’s someone else’s life when you do what others expect of you by shutting down your inner voice (the good kind).

It’s someone else’s life when you tell yourself you have to be “realistic” at the expense of your true desires.

It‘s someone else’s life when you compare yourself to the mom next door. To your colleague. To your college roommate. To someone who started work / a business at the same time as you and is now ahead, or behind, you.

It’s someone else’s life when you make worrying what others will think more important than listening to your soul’s cry for expression, acknowledgement and the freedom to be you.

It’s someone else’s life you’re living each time you avoid doing something because of FEAR. Fear Of Failure. Rejection. Being unmasked as a fraud. Letting others see the real you. Not being good enough. Unworthiness. Loss.

It’s someone else’s life when you let expectations of others and yourself become bigger and more important than listening to the  call of your heart.

It’s your life when you quieten enough to hear it.

It’s YOUR life when you start asking yourself who you are at the core.

It’s your life when you start understanding and creating your values.

It’s your life when you listen to your intuition over “reason” and “fact and logic”.

It’s your life when you say I don’t care if this is the way something’s always been done, I’m doing it my way.

It’s your life when you start taking responsibility for becoming more confident, loving, worthy, happy and connected.

It’s your life when you stop talking and start doing, one step at a time. When you take a stand for courage, connection, community, compassion like Brene Brown talks about in this hugely powerful talk.

What truth are you hiding from yourself and the world?

If people like Dan and Boo’s mom are taking a stand for what is important to them, expressing how they truly feel, why not you? Whether in public, or private, is not the question. What & When, is.

Let go of who you should be, so you can be who you ARE.

If you want less from life and not be judged for it, take a stand.

If you want more and be accepted for it, take a stand.

If you’ve been living someone else’s life, take a stand.

If you’re ready to start living your life, go on, take a stand.

You may still be judged, but do it anyways.

For at the end of this life’s journey, would you rather have conformed to what was expected of you, acted out of fear and buried your uniqueness or would you rather have lived boldly, joyously, experientially and in full expression and acceptance of your true essential self?

It’s time my friend, to take it one step further. Go beyond applauding others, and go home. Into you. Your time is now.

I leave you with the eternal words of Hillel at 2am:

“If I am not for myself, who will be for me?
And when I am for myself, what am ‘I’?
And if not now, when?

Indeed, If not you, then who?
And if not now, then when?

If you want to live more authentically, connect with the essence of who you truly are & get your SHINE back, check out the 21 day Inner Sparkle e-course.

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Xoxo, Tia

Facebook comments:



  1. says

    Hey Tia,

    Great post, this resonates strongly with me. The other day someone said something that really pulled a cord within me. “You only get one chance, one life, to allow you to express your gift to the world, to touch the hearts of those around you with your true essence. Are you will to pass up the only chance you have?

    And then the quote by Marianne Williamson that I love
    “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that frightens us most. We ask ourselves, ‘Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and famous?’ Actually, who are you not to be?”

  2. says

    Hey Kate! I love this Marianne quote too & had a discussion about it with a friend cos said I didn’t agree with the fear of power part. My point was that people aren’t afraid of being powerful as much as what that stands for. The bolder you are, the more you are noticed, loved and hated and the harder “rejection” and “failure” become to handle.

    I guess in a way the light brings us into a space of vulnerability, which is what scares us. It really stems from a fundamental feeling of unwothiness. So in that context the quote makes sense, cos if we believed ourselves to be worthy, we’d live our lives our way probably upsetting many people along the way.

    So be it.

    This thought comes back over and over again – make this life count. Be happy. That is all you need. Thanks for sharing what your friend said, I hope you said NO! 🙂

  3. says

    Hi Tia,

    Excellent post! So many folks in the world not speaking their truths or even their almost truths. It’s not encouraged and that’s the real issue. Children actually do speak the truth. It’s refreshing to listen to them say such blunt things and not to be hurtful, they just call it like they see it. By the time young adulthood rolls around, we find it near impossible to say anything other than the “party line.” We keep saying how free we are — yet most of us hold back. I guess there’s different degrees of freedom.

    And at a conventional job you take this unwritten oath to NEVER say the truth or risk being fired. Not good for employees or companies.

    Really enjoyed this! Giulietta

  4. says

    Just like those parents in Sarah (nerdy apple mom)’s story – children were fine with the cross dressing and may have asked questions like why but it was the moms who coloured their observation with judgement! When someone is honest and open, it may sting but it doesn’t demean cos it’s from a place of pureness. When people judge, it’s a different story altogether.

    Give me honesty any day over someone pandering to my ego or feelings. Thanks for the post Giulietta, I’m going to keep encouraging people to live from within and even more than that, ME from within.

    ps: Strip!? Great headline, you’ve got me curious!

  5. says

    Bravo, Tia! There is such power in this post! And thank you for sharing the video.

    I’ve had such a journey this week. Twenty-two years ago, I walked away from a legal career, the power suits and the good money, the big house and the nice cars. The prestige (People asked me, “What do you do?” I answer, “I’m an attorney.” They treat me with greater respect (lawyer jokes notwithstanding).). I walked away and chose a life as a writer and free spirit.

    In the next few years, I walked away from even more … my marriage. Because I accepted my truth that I wanted to be childless, and my husband didn’t.

    I started a new life as a writer living by the ocean with my dog. I truly thought I had learned to be authentic, learned to be vulnerable, learned to accept myself.

    But this last week, I have discovered that when I made that journey to authenticity, somehow some moldy, stinky old luggage got mixed in with my nice shiny new bags. It got shoved into a corner of my life and unbeknownst to me, it’s been smelling up the place. Under all my courage to have a new life, under all the triumphs of that life, the published books and the new marriage, I still had that little voice asking, “Am I good enough? Am I worthy?” And it’s that voice that has set the frequency of my vibration.

    I am in awe of LOA and the synchronicity of people and material this week, including this post, that have helped me ferret out those stinky bags. And I am tossing them.

    My point, and I do have one, is that even when we think we’ve achieved authenticity and we’ve embraced vulnerability, we might have to take a closer look and be sure our authenticity has a nice new home to live in, a home of worthiness and the knowing that “I am enough.”

    Thank you.

  6. says

    I’m transfixed by your eloquence, courage and vulnerability in telling your story so openly Ande. May I take this moment to acknowledge the power of what you just did and how you’ve blessed us all by your willingness to explore, understand and express your truth! Thank you for modelling what going within looks like for the rest of us.

    What an excellent direction you’re taking us in – to clean out the garbage and start a practice of worthiness & happiness. For these aren’t end goals, they are a daily practice. You’re in the right place at the right time and even though those old stories were hanging around for a reason here’s to tossing them out & embracing your new home!

  7. says

    I may be side-tracking here a little but I want to mention one point:

    What’s the value of telling the truth? – At an individual level, truth is not rewarded (only in rare occasions) but telling anything other than the truth gets a reward.

    The society has slowly emerged out to be about accumulating more than what is required – why – because everyone seems to be doing it. We just don’t tell enough truth(s) to really know the actual value of it. By telling anything other than truth gets you away with things, helps sell your car or faulty goods, helps get you friends which otherwise would never be.

    When life becomes like the above – then its time to view it from another angle.

  8. says

    WOW!! What a powerful question you’ve asked here. Thanks for bringing up this point. I’d disagree right off the bat except there is some truth in what you say. And yet, there isn’t.

    The value of telling the truth is in what it does for you. How it liberates you and allows others to be liberated in turn.

    Let me explain.

    The life you speak about, that one gets from lying and dishonesty may have material abundance but is sorely lacking in spiritual and mental abundance. Someone who lies to get what they want will live in fear of being found out and can never trust the life or people they have because it’s all based on illusion.

    Just because everyone does it, doesn’t mean you should, right? My dad used to say to me – if someone jumped out of a window, would I jump along with them? If someone kills, should I kill? So you see, there are so many things people do that you wouldn’t do just because others are doing it.

    And on the other hand, so many people live differently, following their values and speaking what is true for them. The reward is in them growing and experiencing life at a level those who don’t live in integrity never will.

    You don’t have to live like them either. You get to choose what sort of life experience you want. On one hand, the easy way by being out of integrity and on the other a challenging, yet fulfilled life knowing you’ve been true to yourself.

    I’m not telling you which one to live, I just know what I prefer. For the 1st 1/3rd of my life I lived lies. I told lies. I hid who I was so I could be liked and get what I wanted. I had a personality that changed depending on who I was with. I stood for nothing and fell for everything. I was scared. Terrified. I lived in constant fear of losing all I had. I wanted to die many times.

    Then a few years ago I started living differently. I just could not live like that anymore. Slowly I started speaking up. I was misunderstood, some friends laughed, teased, but I stuck with it. Soon, I found people like me, who wanted to live authentically and I leaned on them for support as I stopped associating with those friends who weren’t open to me changing.

    I’m not saying I always tell the truth or never live in fear. Oh God no. I’m still terrified half the time BUT now I know I can handle it. Earlier, I was afraid I couldn’t. Now, I know that fear just points to where I need to grow and what I need to learn. And as I take more risks I believe in myself more and find strength within that helps me overcome anything.

    Yes, it can be scary to tell the truth and everyone else is lying, but that is what builds your character and you do it for you, not anyone else.

    So fromwhat angle would you view it? Thanks again for dropping by, as you can see I had a lot to say about this 🙂

  9. says

    Ha! Look what I found in my inbox after I replied to you 🙂

    “Don’t be afraid to go where you’ve never gone and do what you’ve never done, Tia, because both are necessary to have what you’ve never had and be who you’ve never been.
    Be the ball,
    The Universe”

    From Says it all!

  10. says

    Hey Cheryl, not sure what you’re asking exactly .. part of whole what? Life? It seems to me it’s about knowing your essential self, dreams, goals and desires, your purpose and passion so you can live your life as an expression of what matters to you. I may be wrong, so correct me if I am please. IMO, when you start looking within, you find what’s important to you and from that knowledge, you live externally. Hope I’m answering your question if not let me know what your thoughts are, thanks!

  11. says

    Thank you for dropping by Brene! That video of yours is waking people up in a big way. I’m excited to have found you & look forward to more of your work.


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